Posted by Invizzle fo' shizzle
on August 14, 2012 at 9:50 PM
For years we've heard rumors of Sons of Anarchy being made into a video game, and I've heard that it's something that an avid gamer like Kurt Sutter would actually love to see happen even though it doesn't look like it will. I'd like to see it happen too, as I'm what I like to call a "violent video game enthusiast". Video games are one of the best gifts that mankind has given itself and some days there is nothing better than sitting three feet away from a flat screen with a 16-pack of Monster Absolutely Zero (for the girl who's trying to watch her figure dontcha know) blowing shit up with hand grenades and killing the fuck out of everything that moves. I don't duck, I don't hide, and I love cheat codes. I turn into a psychotic motherfucking killer. It calms me and it soothes me and makes me laugh my midget ass off. You cannot spell SLAUGHTER without LAUGHTER, ladies and germs.
From the link above, it doesn't seem like a video game will happen, but if it does. I've made a list of what it SHOULD NOT BE (and the reasons why) , and what it NEEDS TO BE (with reasons for that too) hoping that Mr. Sutter and some video game mogul or something reads this and answers my prayers (and probalby yours too).
- It should NOT and I repeat, should NOT be made into a shooter game like Call of Duty, Metal Gear Solid, Gears of War or any of the gazillions of other games that are exactly fucking like the ones mentioned above. Why? Because in those games you're in the fucking military and you're in some kind of special ops unit where you watch and help out the guys in your unit while they yell "COVER ME!" over and over again the whole fucking time. Basically, here's what you do in those games: crouch, walk slowly while still crouching, hide behind something and shoot, reload, crouch, crouch, crouch (yeah, with the fucking crouching) shoot for like 3 seconds, reload, then get sick of that shit and start gunning down the other dudes in your unit just for fun. That's what I did anyway. That sort of format does not fit with what Sons of Anarchy is. They are not the Sons of Crouching in Formation, or the Sons of Cover Me Because I'm Busy Crouching and they are most definitely not the Sons of Organization. They are the Sons of Motherfucking Anarchy and the game needs to reflect that.
- In my experience with the shooter games, you just kind of play missions and that's it (mind you, I played about one and a half missions in some Call of Duty game and all the crouching and reloading got on my nerves). What we see on SOA the TV show is so much more than that. Kurt Sutter has created a magnificent world that, if it's ever made into a game, the player should be a part of. We should be able to experience the characters like we don't get to experience them in the show because in the show, Kurt has a story to tell. In a game, Kurt can do whaever the fuck he wants. In a game, he can have them curse like they don't get to do in the show. We need to be able to see more of the characters we love and see the (funny) sides of them that Kurt doesn't have time to show us in the 45 minute episodes.
- Sons of Anarchy the Game if it ever comes into being should be more like Saint's Row 2 or better yet Saint's Row: The Third. In those games you can do whatever the fuck you want. You could drive around, explore, run people over, get tattoos and cause absolute fucking mayhem. Those games have some elements that are absolutely hilarious, like there's a cheat code called "bloody mess". With this motherfucker enabled , whenver you klll someone they explode into a cloud of blood and there's nothing left of them but their spleen and a little bit of money. You can run up to a pedestrian, push R3 and kill them by means of "testicular manslaughter". You can use strippers as target practice. If the SOA video game was like that, there is no end to the cool shit that could be done with it. You could start the game off as a prospect (that you can customize), do different missions for different members of SAMCRO (just imagine the missions you'd have do for Happy or Tig) to get patched in, or you can play as a member of SAMCRO, and get to see more the character's personality (Tig would have a secret wardrobe full of women's clothing bcause he's probably a transvestite). If the game were like that, the replay value would be extraordinarily high because of all the different characters and POV's. Plus, Kurt would be able to really play up the humorous side of his characters.
- Kurt and all those involved could make a killing off of game add-ons. The add-ons would range from your normal shit like cheat codes, bikes, weapons to the outrageous rides like Polar Bears, Unicorns that kill shit with their heads, and dragons. Sure it's a motorcycle club and they should ride Harleys and blah blah blah, but fuck that shit let's have some fun! The player could buy things like Anarchy Mode, Mayhem Mode, and Unholy Mode and go absolutely crazy with that shit.
Usually I don't buy or play video games that are based on movies or TV shows (unless it's Harry Potter or something with Legos, everyone fucking loves Legos) because you're just sort of following the movie or show and it gets boring. But if there was ever a game version of Sons of Anarchy and it was like what I mentioned above, I would play the absolute fuck out of it. And since I think of myself as Jax Teller's evil nemesis and I take the piss out of everything he says, does, thinks, wears, eats and drinks (all in good fun of course, Charlie's awesome) I would kill him by means of "testicular manslaughter" as many times as I possibly could.